Mr. Bud
05.30.06 (9:22 pm) [edit]Hi, My names Bud. What’s yours? All the kids of my generation remember Bud. He was a very short and kindly man. He love to say hello to every person he met and always had a smile for them. He pushed a large metal barrel with wheels and kept a pavement broom and some other cleaning tools fastened to the barrel. Everyday he would travel north on the sidewalks and working his way back southward and home. Each time he found a piece of paper or cola cup he’d pick it up and place it in his barrel. As he’d approach certain shops the managers or owners would request of him a favor…”Bud, we sure could use a good sweeping out front here.” With a smile he’d grab that broom and say something like, “Well sir, I can do that. Don’t mind at all.” For doing this favor he was offered some few cents. Next thing you know Bud would be trying to give the few cents given to him to another in passing. Sometimes he would not let you give him any money. “Oh, no mam, I have all I need.” I remember this man from the time I was a tot until recent years. He became a living legend here in my little home town. In later years before Bud’s death, one photographer made a wonderful and large picture of Bud which he prominently displayed in his shop window. It was a simple way to honor a simple little man. Bud’s brother would come in at least once each week and shop in the store where I was employed. He was just a wee bit taller than Bud and was always dressed like he was going to church. He would tell us ladies, “Now don’t be giving Bud too much candy…he’s not suppose to eat it. The doctor has warned him and I’m trying to keep an eye out for his wellbeing. Sometimes Bud liked to bring a dime in and get himself a few chocolate covered peanuts. He never asked how much they were a pound, “Just give me my dimes worth.” Usually our manager was standing nearby and would with a nod of his head, motion to which ever of us was weighing the can to give him “plenty”. After the brother came in and asked for help to keep Bud’s sugar intake down to a minimum our boss kept up with how many times and how much candy we gave him. Occasionally the little man would try to buy his candy twice a day. We all loved him and worried over his health, which had been diminishing steadily for several months. Eventually his health declined to the point he could no longer visit the shops, sweep a bit of sidewalk, and give a gleeful Hi, my names Bud, what’s yours? He has not been forgotten…many of us still hold dearly to memories of this gentle little man. Our downtown has about disappeared thanks to the Walmart that came to town. Most of the shops now house restaurants and a few specialty shops. It was a sad thing when Mr. Bud died. Somehow it’s almost fitting that downtown has died too. Even now some of the websites for our town carry a copy of the photo of him that graced our downtown for so long. This little man made a lasting mark on the streets and in the lives of so many from here. Only loving memories now come to mind of this kind, generous, loving little man. You see he was very poor man. He lived in a tiny little square of house with his brother. Never asking for more than he needed and offering any abundance he might incur to others. Bud was a man many scoffed at and made fun of…you see Bud was a black man. He was out and about everyday that he was able and some when he wasn’t…just because he loved people. I am humbled by my memories of Bud. Some people in our town called him ugly names as many bigoted idiots still do. I am honored to have known and talked with him. I’m thankful that, as a child, I was taught to respect him and be kind and always to answer him. He was probably a bit mentally impaired, but with that big smile of his and a handshake…he would brighten your day. I’m not well off financially, but I have my needs met everyday. If only I were as loving, kind, and thoughtful as he……..
Love Language?
05.22.06 (9:37 pm) [edit]I've recently read a book that I would recommend to any married , engaged, or unhappy couple. The title is a bit "cheesy", but the common sense it awakens is well worth the easy read that it has been. (And I am a very slow reader.) It has been on the market for a few years and has some companion reads as well. It is neither ladened with a preachy attitude nor a lot of psycho-babble. It's light, informative and I found that I could identify with it easily. You may have already read it, but did you apply any of the ever so simple principles? I had read it in the past. Since deciding to lead a class dealing with marriage enrichment I was inspired to reread the book. My husband and I attended a seminar based on the principles of this book too. We discovered that his love language is "Acts of Service" and mine is "Words of Affirmation". We did not recognize the love that the other WAS showing. I am about as far from his as you can be. He feels loved by menial household chores done. I hate all of that so it was not my way of showing him love. He's not much of a talker so he wasn't giving me the words I needed. It has helped us in the last years to know how to relate to one another with more concern and care. The rewards have been a caring, loving, and growing relationship. He is so happy to have a meal cooked, the dishes done and I feel so loved when he compliments me and supports me with pleasant comments. So simple are the things we often ignore or overlook. This little book might awaken your understanding of your spouse's way of relating their love for you as well as your own. Did you know that there are 5 different languages of love?: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. Each person has one of those as their primary language and sometimes, according to author Gary Chapman, there will be a secondary language. You may be using one language and your spouse another. Each can learn to use the others language to revitalize the love you want so much. It explains each clearly and quickly. I believe if you are struggling in a marriage and truly want to improve yours that this might be one of the easiest, most sensible approaches you've ever tried. I know for certain it helped in my own marriage. It's a fun read. The title is: "THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES" ... even if you are dead set against reading...you are lead through it in no time and no worse for the wear on your time.
"Marriage is always changing, it's either growing or it withering."...aarps
05.19.06 (9:58 pm) [edit]It’s a weekend and the weather is warm, pleasant not hot, not cool. Spouse in the other room in front of the TV…and well it’s pretty obvious that I’m sitting here with my computer. It seems to be my best buddy these days/nights as I prepare for a new endeavor. We are trying to plan a new learning activity for weekends coming up this summer. We’ve decided to have a few couples over to our home for a couple’s bible study. My responsibility will be to facilitate/teach/lead. It is suppose to be a study that will enrich the marriages of those participating. Plans are to tie in learning our love languages too. I’m nervous about leading this. The studies I’ve led in the past have been for youth. After 26 years of marriage one might think you could give advice for a good marriage. But, I can’t. I’m reading and doing my study, praying too. I’m more nervous about this than teaching lessons for youth dealing with sexual content. Maybe it is because my hubby and I will be participants in this study. That means we will have to communicate and spend time “really” talking to each other…and about something other than bills and our kids. I have an assortment of books on the subject that I’ve been reading. Christian, naturally. I’m learning that having a really good marriage takes more work than we have been investing in our own. That is a shame. My husband is kind, good, true, committed, and faithful to me, as am I to him…we deserve a wonderful marriage. Ours is good, but it would really be nice for it to be great. I have questions going through my head like cars on the Talladega speedway. All seem to come back to can I do this? Can I talk to “grown ups”? Will they take me seriously? Will this do any good? Will anyone actually get anything from the class? Am I spiritually qualified? Do others even want to improve their marriages? It will include assignments to go out together…on a date with the spouse. It sounds like it might or could be fun. But will it? Is it going to be a big waste of time? Will the participants really do the assignments? Or will they think it’s all silly and just sort of blow it off? If you could would you do such a study? Would you be serious about the assignments?
A Day in Court
05.16.06 (9:09 pm) [edit]It's been about three years in coming, but finally the day arrived. The day Sonny actually got to see the judge all professional looking in his robe and on his bench. Looked a bit more like behind it to me, but what do I know. I was merely a Popsicle in the courtroom...along with all the other flavored Popsicles. It was frigid in there! The temperature was pretty chilly too. All is said, all is done. I hope for a very, very long time. The opposing lawyer, she was… shall we say…very animated and calculating. Sonny’s lawyer was so frustrated with her that he could have split a nail…our family actually found it all a little amusing. (If it had not been for the hard seats, the cold temperatures and hunger pangs) The lady made things drag out forever. All the offers and counter offers we had to sit through today...could have been done at an office before we ever even entered the courthouse. Instead...everything went down there in the courtroom. It is over, Thank JESUS! Sonny will get his little Girl more hours on visiting day and an extra weekday visit. Then at some point little Girly will start staying over night. Later on as time and visits build in increments it will work up to standard visitation. He is going to have to pay and extra $$ per month toward back support...as expected...but Sonny says he did not care what they charged him as long as he gets to have some real time with his daughter. So he agreed to it. The judge did his thing and they all agreed and said ok. I thanked Jesus right there before I got out of my seat. A brother and sister in Christ had come to lend moral support to Sonny. They seemed sort of tickled at me…the Methodist…them the Pentecostals. I suppose I was a little Pentecostal for a few minutes….but I did it quietly so as not to shock anyone. When it was over Sonny went to Little Girl’s Mother and shook her hand and thanked her. As he was doing that Gramps and Me shook hands with all the others in her family. We had exchange hellos when we entered the courtroom…but not the natural grandmother. She was cool and aloof all day. When I hugged her she lightened up. Step-Dad warmly returned my hug. Sonny went over and shook his hand and exchanged pleasantries with him. Finally I got to Lil’Girl’s Mother and told her that I loved her and for her to give both the babies a hug and kiss of love for me; as did my hubby. (She and her hubby have a child of their own.) As Sonny’s lawyer was leaving the courthouse he turned and came back to where Hubby, Sonny, and Me...were standing discussing meal plans. (We had all been too nervous to eat before going.) He said he wanted to tell us he admired that we went and exchanged kind greetings with the other family. That he did not often see that in the courtroom and that it was a pleasure to see it come so willingly without a prompt of any kind. He also told us that he knew Sonny was a good man all along. That made me all teary. But people…it was not easy. It took months of prayers and petitioning the Lord to arrive at that point. It was Christ acting through us…not us on our own. Not at all. It was not a perfect day, but it was a good day. Sonny is so grateful!!! As are we. It will be hard to be patient for the following months until standard visitation begins. With more of the Lord’s help we will persevere. A year or so ago we did not know if Sonny would ever get to see his little Girly again, let alone us. He kept his faith that it would be settled and encouraged us to do the same. So God is working and the timing has been His. Sonny admits that this is best way for Girly. She used to cry when he picked her up...now she smiles and is ready to come. He is convinced that staying overnight will best be done slowly. Allowing Lil’Girly the time she needs to become comfortable with this new adjustment. Well that was Sonny’s (and our) day in court. So far he has not had to return to court. I hope and pray that he never will.
Decoration Day
05.13.06 (11:49 am) [edit]Tomorrow is Decoration Day. Yes and I know Mother's Day too. DD is a southern tradition. You take your flowers (artificial, cut, or live) and put them on the graves of ALL your dead relatives. I was taught that is was how we show they are respected and loved. Too, if any other family and friends stop by they can be impressed by your offering. Except you do not put cards on them to tell who left the floral offering. Therefore people stand around discussing which person probably left which bouquet or worse how shabby something looks. It used to be like a family reunion standing there with relatives you never see except that day every year. Well I have to go gather the flowers for my family today. I am responsible for making certain that Mom, Dad, the grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, and cousins are respected and loved. I really wish I could have taken them their bouquets when they were living. I remember my Dad saying once that he wanted his flowers while he was alive to enjoy them. But when DD arrived, he wanted to know when the flowers were going to the cemetery. Since his and mom's earthly remains are there I had best be the respectful, loving, dutiful daughter and take the offering. It is so different and empty to me now. I never see relatives there anymore. I think maybe that most of them have their earthly remains somewhere in a cemetery too. I loved my family...still do. So it is a small token of time and effort for time and love they invested in me. I suppose that is why the tradition continues.
Honors to PD
05.11.06 (2:14 pm) [edit]Pastor Dave is trying to push his way up the blog's listing. I'm just trying to come up with something worth saying. So today's post is proof it isn't working out for me. But, hey...just thought you might go give Pastor Dave's blog a visit and feed his ego. I think I really like the guy. He seems to be more realistic than many in his occupation. Perfection is unattainable in this life, but the practice serves to improve one. So maybe some day I'll have something really worthwhile to say.
Poor Josse
05.08.06 (9:59 pm) [edit]Josse is not taking her meds correctly and she is skipping meals. A year ago she was cooking and making easy recipe foods. She loved going outside to work in her flower garden. This spring she doesn’t remember the things she did last spring. Often she asks how long she’s been home from convalescence care (where she had spent many prior months). Nearly two years Sweetie, I always reply. With an astonished look on her face she wants to know how that could be because she has no recall. Then she looks pitiful and becomes frightened because she is not able to remember. Her sister died a few weeks ago. She was sick at the time and had to go to her own medical specialist. She was not able to attend her sibling’s funeral. Now that her illness that she was suffering at that time is better, she is angry because she thinks her family would not LET her attend the funeral. Assuring her they love her and said they understood and knew how sick she was does not give her peace. Josse is still living alone. Her only child lives far away in another state where he lives in a homeless shelter. He refuses to come and care for his mother, even though it would give him a rent free home. A family friend has power of attorney, but is so busy with her own life that she cannot help Josse at her home very much. That is where I come in. I am daytime care giver. It is getting so hard lately. She was able to take her meds without being reminded, but now she forgets more often than she remembers. Her meds dosages are so strictly regimented that missing a single does can endanger her health. Her bills are still coming to her home and sometimes she misplaces them or forgets to pay them at all. I try to keep these things stored in one specific place and too I have tried hiding them from her. When they come to her mind she will turn the house upside down until she finds them. Lately she has been getting the meds out for some reason, but has not taken them. I have counted them. The family and friend agrees, because of conversations with her before her memory began leaving her, that she will not be put in a nursing home because she would rather live out her life at home. It is tearing me apart inside to watch her deteriorate so rapidly and knowing there is no hope of improvement. Daily I try to give her love and care and laughter. Often I take her out for lunch or bring special foods that she loves in to her because she does not like restaurants. She needs a night care watcher, but she refuses to allow one to be hired. Her friend with power of attorney says there is nothing we can do…she promised Josse that she would see that her wishes are fulfilled.
Can a Difference in Faith Make You a Swine or Dog?
05.05.06 (12:58 am) [edit]Coming from a Southern Baptist background, Carissa grew up believing one never divorced a spouse...not in her little town. Unfortunately it was to be her: the "ONE"; in her family to blow all that right out of the water. She struggled for months trying to still be "the good little church girl" that she had been growing up. One day she met Daryl, handsome and never married, who was not attending church but claimed to be of an extreme fundamentalist denomination. Carissa began sharing her faith with Daryl and it was not long before he decided he needed to, recommit his life to Christ and get back in church on a regular basis. He went to church with Carissa, but told her the quietness and reverence displayed was too... well...boring. Always trying to be fair about things Carissa agreed they would visit his home church. Everyone she met was nice and friendly. Being it was revival they went another night and arriving early Daryl introduced Carissa to his pastor. After a brief chat the pastor began to explain how Carissa was welcome to attend church, since she was not married...but that they would not welcome her should she remarry anyone. This came as quite a blow to her heart. She and Daryl had already talked of getting married. He loved her and her son from her previous marriage. She deeply loved him and was looking forward to a life together. His grandparents being the only ones in his family to attend church began to "talk" to him and sway his thinking. Once when speaking TO Carissa the grandparents quoted scriptures and referred to her as swine and a dog that was not fit to hear the words of God spoken to her because she did not believe it was wrong to remarry. Eventually the stress between different ideas of faith broke their relationship. (BACKGROUND: Carissa's husband wanted a divorce, and he had already asked another woman to marry him before they started divorce proceedings. Even with that she had told him she didn't think divorce was the right move and that they should forget it and work things out. He would have no part of such and demanded the divorce proceed.) Now a church of Christians was turning their backs on her and telling her she would burst hell wide open if she remarried. Why? What did she do wrong? Why was she to be punished? She tried to do what was right all the way around the situation. The divorce had already happened. Was there no forgiveness for her? She could not love and have a husband? Is that what faith does?